PREFACE

For the last five weeks and 3600+ miles, I have been traveling with Cathy’s cremains, praying and visiting with family and friends in Sayre PA, Nashville and Memphis TN, Hitchcock and Dallas TX, and now finally here in Arkansas, to bury her at Subiaco Abbey. I am honored to share my insights into the life of Mary Cathleen Schanzer, a beautiful soul known to the world as Cathy Schanzer, born to Luke and Tine Schanzer of Hitchcock Texas on January 7, 1952. She was the third of eight children and a mother of eight children. She had a great capacity to dream, to love, to give and ultimately to suffer, and she provoked a lot of joy and a lot of smiles throughout the world.

OUR FIRST DATE

It took me over a year to secure our first date since first meeting Cathy in the Spring of 1976 at an off campus, ranch-retreat sponsored by the Catholic Student Center of Houston Texas. I was a junior at Rice University and Cathy was a graduate student at the Texas Medical Center. I came home from that retreat and told Tom Ritter, my college roommate, that I had met the woman I would marry someday. However, Cathy was not as impressed with me as I was with her. I asked her out multiple times and Cathy kept saying “NO”.  Finally, just before I graduated from Rice, she agreed to one date. I promised her that a date with me was safe. She did not have to worry about any long-term relationship because I was leaving town in a few days, never to be seen again. I also added in a little Catholic guilt, suggesting that maybe I had earned one date, given all the times I had tried during the last year. She sighed and moaned, but she did not say “No”. Finally, after making me promise one more time, that I really was leaving town, she agreed to one date, without even asking what we would do.

We went fishing on our first date. By midnight of May 6, 1977, we had caught over 6 dozen crappie. Cathy caught most of them while I kept busy unhooking her catch and replenishing her bait. It was biblical, an early metaphor for two people brought together by the Holy Spirit, falling into glorious love, soon to become fishers of men. Unfortunately, years later I created a little controversy by letting it slip that I had dumped a case of partially opened canned dog food into our fishing hole, just a few days before our first date. “Wait just a minute”, she protested: “was it the Holy Spirit or the dog food that brought us together?” I had no doubt that the Holy Spirit was whispering in my ear “We are going to have a great first date!” as I dumped that dog food.

 And it was a great date! After fishing we took a short tent-nap on a nearby shore, followed by sunrise water skiing on glass-like water. It was Cathy’s first time to water ski, and she came right up on her first attempt. That was amazing! And after she skied, I showed her how to drive the boat, and I skied. Our first-date boat was a 1956 Yellow Jacket Catalina, 16 ft mahogany wood runabout, made by the Roy Rogers Company, that Dad had purchased when I was two years old, and later gave to me when I was in college. It was a classic boat for a classic date!!!

For the next few days, leading up to my graduation from Rice, we were inseparable, hanging out, having fun and enjoying getting to know each other. It was then that I learned about her big dreams for mission work, for becoming a doctor and for adopting children. As Mom and Dad were packing up their car to return home after my graduation, Dad pulled me aside to encouraged me: “try not to lose this one”. I assured him that I was working very hard on that goal.

CATHY’S DREAMS

When Cathy was in the third grade, her class listened to a presentation by a Maryknoll priest, about his missionary work in Africa. It was then that she felt a calling to be a missionary, working in Africa. In high school, she won a science contest, and her prize was to be a summer intern with Dr. Michael DeBakey, a world-famous heart surgeon. That’s when the doctor-dream was seeded. And while in college, Cathy learned about a family who adopted 19 special needs children and that’s when adopting children became part of her dreams. Our 8 adopted children were loved by Cathy long before she met them.

 CATHY’S LOVE

Cathy’s love had many forms. Certainly, her love was faith-led. In 1983 we went to an adoption agency just to get information, anticipating that it would take a couple of years to complete any adoption. During that visit we were asked to consider a sibling group of two sisters and a brother. They were in an emergency shelter, about to be placed in three different homes. Cathy looked at me and suggested that this was again the Holy Spirit leading us. I had not yet spilled the beans about the dog food, so I asked her if this might be indigestion that she was feeling. She was certain of God’s hand in this adoption-venture and a few days later we joyfully accepted three children into our lives. In 2005, Archbishop Joseph Ganda challenged us to build an eye clinic in a remote part of Sierra Leone and again the Holy Spirit filled her heart. We happily liquidated our savings to establish Southern Eye Clinic of Serabu, which today is one of the busiest charity eye clinics in West Africa.

Cathy’s love was contagious. People liked being around her, letting the glow of her love consume them. Cathy’s love was tender. A few days before she died, when most of her body functions were failing and she floated in and out of consciousness, she began to move her right-hand fingers, climbing up my arm from holding my hand, finding and grabbing my collar. Sensing that she wanted to tell me something, I moved close to her face, and she kissed me three times. It was our last kiss while she was conscience.

Sometimes, especially if a little alcohol was involved, her love expressions had a flirtatious quality. Together with those amazing brown eyes, her incredible light-up-the-world smile and her sumptuous, long brown hair, she would utter a teasing message that was both innocent and mischievous. A couple of months before she died, Cathy apologized for not talking very much and that she wanted to make it up to me by singing a song. This was a first. She had never sung to me before. I think that little bit of Crown Royal she requested might have been involved. Regardless, I was excited as I watched her mentally go through an inventory of family song-favorites. After a brief moment of silence, her love offering softly filled the air: “My baloney has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R. My baloney has a second name, it’s M-E-Y-E-R. Oh I love my Oscar Meyer, I eat it every day. And if you asked me why I’d saaaaaaaay, cause Oscar Meyer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A.” She displayed a satisfied smile and warmly slipped back into quiet mode.

Her love could also be very funny. During one of her last days of eating, I was feeding her with a spoon and holding up a cup with a straw for her to grab and drink. But this time, she grabbed the cup instead, so I grabbed the straw to take to her mouth. Then she grabbed the straw, and we started playing this “who-has-the-straw” game. Jokingly, I asked her if I should put that straw up her nose. She replied thoughtfully and deliberately. Finding it difficult to talk, she slowly enunciated each word: “I want you to put that straw where the sun don’t shine”. I laughed and she enjoyed a satisfying grin. Despite all her suffering, Cathy never complained and often found a way to laugh.

Cathy’s love can be tough. That’s where we are now. She has already told me to stop crying because we have a lot of work to do. But that has not totally solved my problem. In the last few days, I have begun to see Cathy in my dreams. She has lovingly and tenderly conveyed a message that I should begin moving beyond my pain. She’s very concerned about me but also has a lot of suffering people asking her for help: people with estranged relationships, people with marriage problems, people with cancer issues, people dying, and of course, people with eye problems. I learned early in our married life, that Cathy’s mission to help others went far beyond satisfying my needs. However, after her death, I failed to consider that she was still helping people. It’s only the circumstance of her help that has changed and perhaps now she can help in more powerful ways. Our sacramental covenant of She, Me and Thee began on June 16, 1979, the day when one of my big dreams was fulfilled, the day we vowed to help each other get to Heaven. I continue to be blessed by her love and support.

Certainly, Cathy’s deepest, most hungry and most hopeful love was her love of the Eucharist. Throughout our marriage, Cathy wanted daily Mass and Communion to be a regular part of her life. But her schedule was always so demanding and difficult to predict. Therefore, beginning in the Jubilee Year 2000, Cathy made a pledge to begin each morning at 6:15 Mass at St. Louis Church (Memphis). I was not thrilled and selfishly pointed out that her new pledge competed with our traditional snuggling time. After she left for Mass that first morning, I half-heartedly complained to Jesus that this was not fair because there was no way I could compete with Him. I would join her at morning Mass from time to time, but my heart was not in it. Finally, in 2009 I got on board with daily Mass. Challenged by my Cursillo retreat master, I decided to give daily Mass with Cathy, a try for six months. After a week, Cathy asked me how it was going, and told me that it was getting better for her. She confessed that at first it felt like I was invading her intimate space and time with Jesus, but that now she liked me being there with her. Sometime around three months, I changed and fell deeply in love with the Eucharist, and like Cathy, now I can’t imagine a day without Mass and Communion. During the last couple of months of Cathy’s life, while confined to our home, we were blessed by our very supportive Epiphany Catholic Church (Sayre PA). Volunteers brought us the Eucharist every day. Cathy received her last Communion just four hours before she died.

CATHY’S GIVING

Cathy lived her life according to the Law of the Gift, as Saint Pope John Paul II called it. We receive so many blessings, but they are not fully realized until we give them away to others with greater needs. And then we receive even more blessings! Chapter 25, from the Gospel of Saint Mathew, was not an option for Cathy, but a commitment. “I was hungry, thirsty. naked, blind, in pain, and you helped me.”  Cathy called it our Divine Economy, as we happily gave away most of our income to support mission efforts in Africa. There were numerous times when we returned home from a mission trip, not knowing if we had enough money to make payroll at her practice. But we always did, and we always had plenty. 

CATHY’S SUFFERING

Glioblastoma is a terrible way to die. There is a lot of physical and mental suffering, as you feel your body functions slowly deteriorating until you finally die. Cathy chose to suffer joyfully. In fact, we made a pledge just a few days after receiving her diagnosis, to deal with this glio-business with Joy rather than sorrow. Each day after receiving communion, I heard her thank God for the blessing of her brain cancer and for bringing her closer to suffering Jesus on the cross. She offered up her suffering as a daily prayer petition for family and friends, that we all grow closer to Jesus and His church. I watched her world shrink from that of an international surgeon, to a sick person that could only travel by car, to a cancer person too weak to leave home, to a dying person too sick to get out of bed, suffering every day and never complaining. We cried from time to time, but not much and not too often. Our last cry occurred two weeks before she died. She had a dream a few earlier wherein Jesus told her that He was ready to bring her home, but that she was not ready, until she let go of her attachment to me. We were confused by His message. We were so deeply in love and yet we were too attached to each other? But Jesus assured her: “let go and your love for each other will continue to grow.” We tried to follow His instructions. During our last big cry, we said goodbye to each other in a loving, tender, embracing way. I gave her my support and permission to die. “Don’t hang around for me”, I said. This has been so much more difficult than I expected. Thus, the Cathy-dreams and messaging these last few days. So Cathy, I will follow your example. I thank God for the blessing of your death, bringing me closer to suffering Jesus on the cross. I offer my suffering as a prayer petition for our family and friends, that we all grow closer to Jesus and His church.

FINAL THOUGHTS

In 2005 Cathy received a humanitarian award at the Peabody Hotel in downtown Memphis. After she gave a short presentation about her mission work, Joe Birch, the event MC, asked me to say a few words about my involvement in the mission. Instead, in front of thousands of people packed into the Peabody ballroom, I got down on one knee and sang to her a few lines from an old Elvis love song, which best describes our forever love relationship:

Take my heart, take my whole life too.

For I can’t help falling in love with you.

For I cant help falling in love with you!

During this trip, while I was in Memphis, Brother Joel, a dear monk friend from Christian Brothers University, greeted me at a St. Louis Church morning Mass, with this exclamation: “We no longer pray for Cathy. We pray to Cathy. She is a saint.” In the parable of the mustard seed, Jesus assures us that there is a hidden Presence at work in our life, growing and transforming it. It is for us to remain steadfast in trust and fidelity. Perhaps this best describes Cathy’s life and today millions of people continue to be impacted by a little mustard seed that grew to become Cathy Schanzer.

In closing, I share with you my evening prayer: “Goodnight Cathy, my love. I love you so much. Thank you for being my wife. Thank you, God, for bringing her into my life. Amen.